“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” ~Eckhart Tolle
How often do you hear someone playing the blame game? That’s the one where the job, the husband, the dog, the mother-in-law, the neighbor, the media, the government, the housekeeper, or the hair stylist who got it all wrong is somehow responsible for the problems they’re having.
Are you playing the game? We all do sometimes; it’s a classic psychological defense mechanism. The problem for the players and the others in the circle, is that the constant shifting of responsibility gets old. Constant complainers can be toxic if the behavior has become part of the personality.
Life presents challenges to all of us. Some manage the set backs and move on—others seem to prefer to remain the victim of life’s challenges. Accepting this state of mind is giving up and letting unhappiness take you—drag you along by your neck down a muddy gravel road.
Blaming the past or blaming others is a waste of your time—not theirs. Who are you hurting, then?
You can’t change anything until you let go of blame and start looking at yourself.
You have to take the lesson, as bad as it feels, before you can move forward. Admit your fault in creating your problems. View it—examine it—scream and cry for a week. And then say, “I’m done.” Bury all that blame and negativity in a box in your head. Let it go. Yeah, I know it’s hard, but people do it and so can you.
Yes. There is a strong possibility that other people or situations contributed to your current situation and unhappiness. Yes, maybe you have every right to blame someone or some thing. Others may have played a part, but so did you.
The real dilemma is are you willing to let this rule your life? Some will silently say yes to this question. Admit it. Being sad, unhappy and depressed can buy you a lot of attention from friends, family members and strangers in forums. For a while.
Vida Real Center does retreats and this is why.
We all need to take some alone time and review the situation. It helps. You’ve probably done this already, right? You review all your problems all the time but now, it’s time to do it differently. Try to view the situation from a different perspective. Get objective and see it from someone else’s eyes. Is there another way to interpret what happened and how it all played out? You can join our retreats but you don’t have to—you can do this yourself.
If you’re willing to change your perspective you will (yes, will!) immediately see the reality of your blame game. Then, if you are open and willing, you will have an epiphany of life without constant anger.
Let go of your attachment to the problem.
Trying to control the problem—will only keep you more attached to it. You will never be able to see the lesson or discover the solution if you dwell on all the little details about what seems wrong. But how do you let go of these awful and horrible things? How about: seeing the good in the person who you think caused all your problems, working up the nerve to find a new job or accept your annoying boss as is, creating a personal work-around on how to deal with your judgmental family member. It’s not easy, but you can decide—yes decide to accept that business failure and think of it as a learning experience. I know it cost you money, and embarrassed you and made you feel like a failure, but if you stop complaining long enough you can go start a new business or write another book and do it better this time. And one more thing—if you started a business or a big project at all, you are not a failure. Most people never try.
But what about a bad marriage? Well, that depends on how bad. Therapy will help you discover the depth of the problems and the extent of your contribution to the bad marriage. You may be surprised. There is a good article here – 15 Signs You’re in a Loveless Marriage…
The bottom line is this: there is no path forward until you decide to leave the past.