As the years pass faster and faster and I re-visit the journals of my life, I notice the patterns, the ideas, the thoughts that continue to surface and bubble up from the floor of me. Today, I am bubbled out and I am left staring into the dark stains they leave at my feet. What had poked at me so many years ago, now digs its bony claws into me.
“Watch” it says, “as I shred away at the most basic components of humanity.”
My dark thoughts at the end of this year are not new to me or unique and I am reminded of these words from the Unbearable Lightness of Being. Kundera writes:
“The myth of eternal return states that a life which disappears once and for all, which does not return, is like a shadow, without weight, dead in advance, and whether it was horrible, beautiful, or sublime, its horror, sublimity, and beauty mean nothing …
The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life’s most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.
Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.”